to be a good military wife.
Honest, I do! I try to do what is required of me without (much) complaining. I have probably spent as much time without a husband as I have with one. I've moved from one side of the country and back again...... in the winter! I've dealt with fevers, stomach bugs, cough and cold viruses without any help (myself and the children!). I've adapted to my friends being the closest thing to family that I will get. I've adapted to losing them when we make said trips across the country. I try to smile when I don't feel like it. I try to be patient with my kids, my family and my friends when I'm so tired that it may be 4pm and I've drank so much coffee that I have no room for food in my stomach. I've fixed toilets. I've killed bugs. I've fought with contractors, mechanics and vacuum salesmen who see me as an easy target. I mow almost an acre with nothing but a push mower and a prayer that the house will still be standing and if I may be picky, not too terribly messy when I come back in. I even had a baby and was just so incredibly over the moon happy that thanks to the Red Cross, I was able to talk to Jeremy before the day was over.
Tonight, all that changed. The day that I knew was coming and have feared for years has finally come to fruition. A tree frog was in the house. And not by just a little. The offending amphibian had made his way into the kitchen. Now, anyone who truly knows me will know that this is a MASSIVE problem for me. I have tried to make my peace with these bizarre little creatures whose ability to stick to vertical glass freaks me out. I have even started to enjoy them. A little. I have found them cute at times (One took to napping in a water reservoir in my plant container. Another actually wiped his mouth with his little froggie hand after gobbling a bug.) I have chased them out of my garage so they don't dehydrate and die. In fact, one evening this past week, as I chased one out, two more would hop in. BLEH!!!!! Quite a few friends have thought that my frog phobia was amusing. I, however, am terrified. Not that they will kill me of course. I can distinguish an ordinary tree frog from a poison dart frog like any good mom of little nature lovers. I am afraid that they will touch me. That's right. That their slimy little yucky long legged beady eyed selves would somehow land on the back of my shirt without me knowing (ugh... how long could you walk around like that... what if you sit and crush it!) or perhaps land in my hair or on my arm as I attempt to let the dog out. I have terrors imagining what they must feel like.... their bodies all soft and giving, but with hard little thin bones in their legs. What about that flap of extra skin under their chin...... YECH!!!! If you can't tell, this is something that I have thought about and carefully considered.
So just minutes ago when Abby came upstairs to tell me that not only was there a frog in the house, but that the cat was enjoying it, I very quickly went through the "TEN STAGES OF FEAR"
1. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!
2. If she is joking, she's going to die..
3. If she isn't joking, I'm going to die.
4. Oh crap.
5. Where the blankety blank is my husband, why has he left me here in this land of frog plagues and why in the world did I ever get married in the first place if I have to deal with stuff like this on my own anyway!?!
6. Am I going to have to touch it? I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TOUCH IT!!!!!!
7. Who can do this for me?
8. Wonder if Amelia is still awake......
9. Oh crap.
10. Sigh..... resignation sets in.
We are now short a magazine, a disney cup, and the sense of cautious peace that I have enjoyed since living here. We have, on the other hand, gained a frog free home.
****In case you're wondering, or if PETA is watching, I didn't smash him with the magazine or the cup. I put the cup ever so quickly over him and then slid the magazine under him. I then threatened Abby that she wouldn't be going to college if she didn't very quickly open the front door (back door was covered in frogs). As far as I know, the only injury he may have sustained was from the cat. I think I may have seen some holes in his back. YUCK!!!!****
If I am never heard from again, please assume that the cat found another one and gave it to me as an offering on my pillow. That, my dear friends will be the end of Icarus.
5 comments:
Oh, Torry. You are too much. I only wish I could've been there to see it. I can say this, however, because I have the same reaction to those sneeky little geckos that invaded every space around my house in FL. Oh, and how about putting your foot in your shoe (in the garage) only to find a frog in the toe of it. Let me tell you. . .!!! Much love. Carey
You are so brave!!! One of my biggest fears when Dave is gone is "what if a snake comes in my house?" It's possible...they hang out in my backyard from time to time. I have no idea what I would do. I would probably just move out until he comes home!!!
I am such a wimp about such things. I try not to be, but I am. Sometimes odd bugs end up in my shower, and I always make Ron get them out. I have done it once, I think, when he wasn't around. But, man, it sure took a lot of internal dialogue to get up the nerve to do it.
HA HA HA! I have read this several times and each time it makes me laugh. Just think about it this way...it could be worse. It could be scorpions you're trying to keep out of the house!
:)
Torry, you have not lost it. They are reptiles and who knows what they have on their skin! There is a dead bird on my back patio currently and I need to remove it. I have been praying the neighbors cat would do the job for me. Critters. I tried to bribe Karina and Jonathan but they were not interested! Michelle
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